Faith

Kutless, speaking about their new album, It Is Well, say "in our weakness we see how strong God is." Expanding on this, they wrote beautiful words in my new favorite song, What Faith Can Do: "Everybody falls sometimes, you gotta find the strength to rise...you're stronger than you know, don't give up now, the sun will soon be shining, you gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining...Impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try...life is so much more than what your eyes are seeing...I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do...Even if you fall sometimes, you will have the strength to rise." :)

Prayer is our greatest act of Faith. I wrote about the Book of Hours, and how it impacted me, reminding me of the importance and power of prayer, humbling me to my knees. I wanted to write a follow-up, but so much has happened since that book, I keep re-writing my ideas for a follow-up! It started at Prayer, but what do I need to pray about? "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26. I was directed to 1 Corinthians 13. I needed more Love. "These three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13. Then I read another book by T. Davis Bunn, The Quilt, a short story of an elderly woman in her last days of life sewing her last quilt, with the help of younger family members and friends. The purpose of the quilt was the process of making it: "you have to say a prayer of thanks with each stitch sewn." She shared her life's memories, the good with the bad. "The Lord holds me always in His love; always there, always loving, always giving, always healing. At my weakest, the Lord is strongest...one of the most basic responsibilities we have, we must glorify our God and we must give thanks to Him, and I'm not just talking about some little act we can take on when times are good and there's a few extra minutes!" Romans 1:21 says "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened." So I started thanking God for everything in my life, even the bad, and then, I was led face to face with my weaknesses, things I've tried to bury and hide. Then I received Kutless' new album IT IS WELL, and came back to the beginning: Faith.

My Dad's Stories of Faith are amazing! (you should read them) They are amazing because they are stories that have somewhat of a happy ending. They have already been lived out, fought through with prayerful tears, heartaches and promises, and we are reading them now with the big picture revealed. But in the midst of a Faithful life, it doesn't seem amazing and sometimes not too happy, because we don't see the big picture yet. But God sees the big picture and we can be strong even in our weakest times, because "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak...those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength...So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you." Isaiah 40:29-31, 41:10.

The promise of 3 demons. I will use the word struggle (Ephesians 6:12) but you can call it what you want: weakness, struggle, sin or demon. It's all the same. If it's keeping us from the presence of God, then it's from the enemy, but God can use the enemy's evil influence and struggles to develop and mature us. I already knew what I struggled with when I found out as an adult that my dad was told when I was a child I would have 3 specific struggles. We don't know exactly what they were but I know what I struggle with, and boy, oh boy, it is hard to overcome a struggle. I should know. I've been stuck on that roller coaster of life for many, many years, always having to overcome the same struggles, again and again, wondering when will it end? Can there be a full deliverance of this struggle so I don't have to deal with it again? I've struggled with doubt as a result of these questions, but Faith has long since overcome that struggle. I've learned that God gives and takes in His timing, and He allows some of the thorns to stay so we will learn things like Trust and Faith! And I also think if you're truly striving to live a Faithful, fruitful life, Satan will try harder to hold you down in your struggles. Yikes! I had had enough with my struggle of Purity about 5 years ago. Here I insert that I think names are powerful and important: the meaning of Kari is Pure. It is what I've always wanted to be, even before I realized this. And so the meaning of my name is my biggest struggle. A quote I just read in a book by Ted Dekker: "A path leading to purity will cross enough challenges to make the human head spin! It's not only arriving at the conclusion of purity, which is so thrilling, but it's the journey; overcoming the challenges, each passed and won presents a new level of satisfaction." 5 years ago I opened my heart and shared my impure thoughts with a friend, but I didn't receive the help and encouragement I was hoping for. Instead I was told these kind of thoughts are a normal human thing, so it's ok, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself for not being perfect. But I don't think perfection and purity are the same thing. I know humans can't be perfect and I was striving for "The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5. Needless to say, I haven't opened my heart to anyone since then, and probably not fully to myself or God either. Which leads me to my next struggle, Depression. It has always been there, as early as I can remember. It's the worst roller coaster ride you could possibly imagine going on. Imagine shooting up to the Heavens in a rocket ship fueled by prayer, suddenly losing gas, and falling fast, but a little gas (prayer) suddenly kicks in so you blast up again, then fall, this time a little further before the gas (prayer) kicks in, then up again, and so it goes for many, many years, until you have no gas left so your rocket crashes on bare land. Ouch. I crashed a few years ago and I resorted to meds to pick up the broken pieces of my life. And they helped. But they didn't get rid of the struggle, they just hid it. And my other struggles got more show time. Pride. The lowest point of my falls is medically called depression, and there is medication for it, but the highest points, spiritual highs, now there is no medical diagnosis, in fact, in this success driven world, this behavior is ratified. But I know it's wrong. "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:5-6. When I confront my struggle of Pride, I am humbled, which is a nice way of saying I am completely embarrassed. Having your heart, your innermost thoughts and feelings, opened up on the medical examining table is quite disconcerting. But this time I did not crash. I am not taking my meds as of few months ago, slowly decreasing, then needing them no more. And the Lord has shown me a lot. He is teaching me the fine balance between the high and low struggles, and is unveiling the big picture to me. "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...you can say to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:21-22.

Prayer is powerful! A wise mom told me that we are giving the enemy opportunity to drive his claws into innocent victims. Our kids! are innocent! I have thought of this before but was not ready to accept it or see how it applies to me so clearly as I do now. I know what struggles I need to pray against in my life and in my kids' lives. And we wonder why our kids turn out just like us..."[God] maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." Exodus 34:7. Makes you want to cast out all your struggles/sins/demons right now, doesn't it?! Have Faith! God wants to help us. That's why He's written out exactly what to do in The Bible! "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God...the belt of Truth...the breastplate of Righteousness...the gospel of Peace...the shield of Faith...the helmet of Salvation...the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. And PRAY in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying!" Ephesians 6:12-18. Amen.